


Clinking teeth and baby bottles.

by TheCuriousCat



Series: Worlds separated by a garden fence. [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Bilbo Baggins, Baby Legolas Greenleaf, Caring Thranduil, Charming Frerin, Dark Legolas Greenleaf, Dark Thorin Oakenshield, Dark Thranduil, F/M, Female Bilbo Baggins, Fey Frerin, Fey Legolas Greenleaf, Fey Thranduil, King Thorin, M/M, Possessive Frerin, Possessive Thorin, Protective Legolas Greenleaf, Protective Thranduil, Sassy Bilbo Baggins, teen Bilbo Baggins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29643108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCuriousCat/pseuds/TheCuriousCat
Summary: Frerin has been a tad out of touch with his brother and sister since his marriage to Thranduil, too out of touch it seems because he completely missed his brothers obsession with a human of all things but it's not his fault! You try being queen to another fey faction while raising the cutest murder-baby around.Not that he's not willing to add human tween watch to his list of duties of course, his brother has never shown interest in ANYONE before so this is really interesting.He didn't expect to get attached but she was such a good babysitter.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Frerin/Thranduil (Tolkien), pre Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Series: Worlds separated by a garden fence. [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2172774
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	Clinking teeth and baby bottles.

Bilba's move from England to California had been highly upsetting but she was still a child and what was she supposed to do in the face of Lobelia and co's disappearance as well as her dad's discovery of her new dress. There had been shouting and crying before she admitted (in writing, she still refused to speak. Another thing that made her mom cry) that she had made a friend her age who turned out to be a part of the group who took Otho. Police were called instantly and she spent hours sitting in a cold, dimly lit room while questions were thrown at her by various people.

At one point she gets so sick of it all that she just grabs a stack of papers and starts writing.

_'I made some friends who gave me candy, they wanted me to go with them but I wanted to stay. They were fine with it because they knew I'd give in eventually. Otho ate my candy and went with one of them to get more. The other waited for me because they knew I would go after him._

_When we got to Otho and the other one I wanted to leave so the leader turned it into a game. If Me and Otho won we could leave but if they won we'd have to stay. I won but Otho didn't, before I could get Otho back daddy turned up._

_When I was in the park I met a little girl who was drawing, she saw Lobelia and her friends be mean to me. When I asked her what she was drawing she said the leader sent her to draw me so I told her I would pose for it if she didn't go after Lobelia and her friends.'_

She pushes the paper over blank faced. It's as close to the truth as she's going to get. The man in front of her reads it over then calls for his partner who takes it.

"Okay, so you made a deal to protect the girls right?" She nods. "And that was why you had the dress? Because she had you put it on to pose?" Again she nods, she just wants to go to sleep. "But she lied to you." The policeman says, his eyes flickering to the social worker standing against the back wall. She needed to be in the room for legal things Bilba had been told. "She went after them anyway so..." Bilba shakes her head and writes some more.

_'She didn't lie, it was my fault for not catching her wording. She said that she wasn't going to go after them and she didn't.'_

She hands over the new note, the police man looks annoyed when he reads it over. Handing this one over to his partner as well. 

"You seem way too calm about this miss Baggins." The social worker shoots him a look then comes over and crouches in front of her.

"Bilba, can I call you that?" She nods to the woman. "Bilba, we know that this must be very traumatic for you but those girls are still out there and so is your cousin...." She shakes her head and the woman looks concerned. "What do you mean 'no' Bilba? Why don't you think they're out there." Bilba contemplates her answer before picking up a new paper.

_'Because the leader already ate them.'_

The woman looks sick as she reads it and is very quick to hand the note over. "Umm, why would you think that Bilba?"

_'Because that was the game. If we won we could leave, if we didn't I would be a good pet and they would eat Otho.'_

"A pet?" The woman asks as she hands the new note over then reads through the first two with the policeman's permission. "Would it not be better to tell us about them then? So that you didn't become a pet?"

_'You don't understand. They sent her to draw me but not to take me, the leader thinks that I'm going to come back on my own. Him thinking that is the only thing stopping him from killing my parents and taking me._

_Why would I help you maybe find some bones if it will cost me my parents?'_

"Well." The woman says softly as she hands the new note over. "I'm sure that the nice officers behind me will be more than willing to keep your parents safe. The... leader... will never find you or them. I promise."

Bilba looks at the social workers face then the faces of the officers behind her before she bursts into laughter, she laughs so hard and loud that she ends up finding it hard to breathe. She finally settles then sees their faces and laughs again... which is how she finds herself and her parents on a plane out of the country. Apparently what she wrote as well as her complete lack of trust in their abilities to keep her family safe had spooked them into moving her out of the country. Now she's even **further** from Fili and Kili! She shouldn't have said anything.

* * *

Now, Bilba is 13 and sick of her parents hovering. They had been like this since the police officers had shown them what she wrote, don't they get that she's fine? In this whole scenario she's literally the best off because she knows that Fili and Kili would keep her safe, she's pretty sure king Thorin will too but she's not going to bet her life on it. Back on point, Bilba needs reasons to leave the house, actual reasons her parents can't get her to go back on.

Bilba (and her parents who refuse to leave her alone!) are taking a stroll through the park when she spots him. He's sitting on the park bench laughing as a tiny baby pulls on his hair, he's sitting next to a tall man with long white blonde hair who resembles the baby quite a lot. They look like they're trying to talk but the baby keeps demanding attention. She wouldn't care usually, caring got her into this whole stupid mess in the first place, but the man looks so much like Fili that she has to do a double take. He's one of them, the man and baby are likely to be one of them as well.

The fact that she misses them as well as her need to get away from her parents for a while fuels her decision. She waits for her parents to look away then she heads over. "... Hi...."

They both look at her and the Fili look alike blinks before he smiles charmingly at her. "Hello little Bilba. What brings you over without your darling parents?" How rude, he's not even trying to hide the fact that he was sent to watch her.

If he's being blunt then she may as follow his lead, she hasn't spoke since Ori and her throat hurts. "... They are being overprotective..." She starts. "...That isn't permission to eat them..." The Fili look alike laughs brightly at that.

"So why are you here then?" The tall blonde asks in a dead tone.

"... I need a job so I can have a break and you need someone to watch the baby so you can finally talk..." She states just as dead.

"She's got you there darling." Not Fili chuckles.

He looks her over then looks to the baby. "His name is Legolas and you have an hour to keep him entertained. Within my sight." He picks up Legolas and hands him over, she takes him gently. "My name is Thranduil and this is my husband Frerin. Try not to die, I do not want to have to go to war with Thorin." 

She nods. "...Is the playground ok?..." She points to the kiddie playground next to them. He gives her a sharp nod. "...I need to tell my parents..." She adds while letting Legolas play with her fingers.

"Oh that's okay!" Frerin says happily as he gets up. "I'll tell them. Incentive." He smiles sharply at her for a second then bounds off to where her parents are panickedly looking for her. Honestly, it's not even been a minute.

"Well, go on then." Thranduil says boredly and waves his hand to the playground. She nods and walks away.

* * *

"...Hey..." She says softly to Legolas. "... I know you're a lot smarter than you want me to believe..." Little Legolas gives her a sharp smile, knew it. "... So what do you want to do for the hour we have together?..." Legolas points to the slide, or rather to the little girl sliding down it. Bilba watches the little girl curiously. When she hits the bottom she runs up to a boy and shows him her loose tooth, Legolas watches it hungrily. It reminds her of 'Don't Be Afraid of the Dark', a horror movie about tooth fairies killing people for their bones, she wasn't supposed to watch it but that clearly didn't stop her. "... Say Legolas, want to play a game of tag?..." Legolas blinks up at her then nods.

The game is simple enough, she lets him crawl away then she runs up and scoops him into the air. They do this four times with Legolas squealing happily before they reach their goal. On the fifth run Bilba scoops Legolas up then trips, she hits the girl as she goes down (turning herself so that she lands on her back to keep Legolas safe). The little girl goes flying and smashes her face onto the side of the slide, she cries loudly as she pushes herself up. The girls parents come over and so do her parents, Frerin and Thranduil. The girl cries, the adults argue and while they are distracted she scoops up the teeth, five in total. Legolas snatches one from has hand and puts it in his mouth. Guess she was right.

* * *

So she gets the job though it's clear that her parents don't want her to. Thranduil praises her for thinking of Legolas during the fall with a kind smile and Frerin happily tells her parents that date night is every Friday so to not expect her back until mid Saturday at the earliest. As they're leaving Frerin dips his hand into her pocket and takes the remaining four teeth with a cheeky grin. The last thing she sees is Thranduil pop one into his mouth while Frerin pulls a mock disgusted look. 

It's the first Friday and she's standing in front of the Greenleaf household with her parents at her back, this was the compromise for not babysitting with her. She's planning to let it happen four times before she puts her foot down.

"Bilba!" Frerin cries out happily as he answers the door, he's dressed to the nines. "Our little life saver, come in! There are important numbers on the fridge and money for food on the counter."

"There is also a bed made in Legolas' room since we don't planning on coming back tonight." Thranduil says, also dressed really well.

"It's been **soooo** long since we've had the chance to lose ourselves for the night." Frerin adds with a grin. "Thank you." 

He then politely escorts her parents down the road. "We have a meal for Legolas as well." Thranduil says softly when her parents are out of earshot. "In the bag on the kitchen counter next to the money. Good luck Bilba, you won't have random little girls to placate him this time." And then he's gone, well then.

She enters the house and smiles when she sees Legolas playing with a toy car. ".... Can I play too?...." She asks, man she has to practice talking. He nods seriously and hands her a fire truck.

* * *

When Frerin returns he's slightly worried when he doesn't hear anything, he shares a look with his husband then they search the house. Thranduil is the one who finds her, asleep on the bed they made for her with Legolas fast asleep on her chest. 

" _All of her teeth are still there._ " Thranduil whispers softly.

" _Really?! How the fuck did she manage that?_ " Frerin whispers in awe.

" _I don't know, nothing was broken either._ "

" _By the maker. Fuck my brother, we're never giving her back. Or at least we're permanently claiming her every weekend._ "

" _Agreed, shall I make her a congratulations breakfast while you tell your brother the good news?_ "

Frerin's smile is sharp as he pulls Thranduil into a heated kiss. " _I love you so much._ " 

" _I know. Call your brother._ "

* * *

Thorin had been having a good day and he had expected it to get better with Frerin's call.

"What do you mean your keeping her?" He hisses angrily into the the mirror.

"Not forever big brother." Frerin rolls is eyes in the reflection. "Just every Friday and weekend until she dies. You can have her for the rest of the time."

"You were supposed to be watching her not kidnapping her for yourself!"

"I was watching her. I watched her walk right up to me and ask me for a job so she could get away from her annoying parents."

"Wait. She walked up to you?" Thorin asks leaning back. "To get away from her parents?"

"Yes, though your not allowed to kill them. If anyone is killing the annoying fucks it's me. They spent an hour questioning me so they could continue to stand outside of our human house."

Thorin scowls. "They took her from us."

"After you ate her cousin and a few girls who bugged her, I know, but they're on **my** territory now and they made me an hour late to our meeting with the royal court."

"Fine... how is she?" Thorin asks.

"I'm fine." Both Thorin and Frerin snap their eyes to where she stands in the doorway holding Legolas. "How are you? How are Fili, Kili and Ori?"

Thorin can't help but grin. Looks like today was going to be a good day after all.


End file.
